Parenting is difficult, particularly in at the moment’s post-pandemic world. It definitely wasn’t simple elevating my very own three daughters.
I do not declare all of the credit score for his or her successes, however all three grew as much as be extremely achieved folks. Susan is the CEO of YouTube, Janet is a health care provider, and Anne is the co-founder and CEO of 23andMe. They rose to the highest of ultra-competitive, male-dominated professions.
When writing my ebook, “The way to Increase Profitable Individuals,” I acquired so many questions on completely different parenting approaches. However what everybody actually needed to know was: “What’s the worst parenting type?”
Primarily based on my expertise and analysis, I consider “helicopter parenting” is essentially the most poisonous.
What’s helicopter parenting?
Helicopter parenting — typically known as “snowplow parenting” — is while you continuously take away obstacles in order that your children do not should take care of challenges and frustrations.
This type of hyper-involvement disempowers kids; you are primarily doing all the pieces for them and ensuring all their wants are met even earlier than you recognize they’ve a necessity.
Helicopter parents have the best of intentions, but the outcomes are the opposite of what they want — they are producing kids who are afraid to take risks, always need help, and lack creativity.
My friend Maye Musk, a successful model and the mother of Elon Musk, agrees on the harmful effects of helicopter parenting.
She never checked her kids’ homework. She couldn’t. She was working five jobs to make ends meet. When their homework required a parent’s approval, she had them practice her signature so they could sign for her.
“I didn’t have time,” she told me, “and it was their work.”
That’s exactly what kids need today — to not be controlled or overprotected, but allowed to take responsibility for their own lives.
Parenting styles: It’s all about finding balance
On the other hand, parents should not go to the other extreme. You don’t send kids out alone to go shopping when they are five years old, or expect them to make dinner when they’re 10. Give them challenges that are age-appropriate.
The goal is to have them be proud of the job they do, a job that is theirs and theirs alone. They’ll build skills toward independence and also learn to help out around the house.
It could be in the kitchen cooking, for example. We all cook. Teach your kid how to make their own breakfast. They can pour cereal and milk. Older kids can make a scrambled egg. Or they can all learn to make a salad. It’s so simple: Wash the lettuce, cut a tomato or an avocado, add dressing … and voilà!
If your child has never cooked, they may not feel capable of cooking anything without someone watching over them. Most kids don’t know how to make anything for themselves. I wish I was joking, but I’m not.
Both parents and teachers can empower kids to be independent thinkers, work with their peers, and build up their self-confidence.
I recommend following TRICK, an acronym for Trust, Respect, Independence, Collaboration and Kindness:
- Trust: Trust has to start with us, the parents. When we’re confident in the choices we make, we can then trust our kids to take necessary steps toward empowerment.
- Respect: Every child has a gift, and it’s our responsibility to nurture that gift. This is the opposite of telling them who to be, what profession to pursue, and what their life should look like.
- Independence: This relies upon a strong foundation of trust and respect. Truly independent kids are capable of coping with adversity, setbacks and boredom — all unavoidable aspects of life.
- Collaboration: Collaboration means working together as a family, in a classroom or at a workplace. For parents, it means encouraging kids to contribute to discussions, decisions and even discipline.
- Kindness: Real kindness involves gratitude and forgiveness, service toward others, and an awareness of the world outside yourself.
Give yourself a break and stop over-monitoring your kids. Let them help and lead. They will appreciate it, grow up more independent, and believe in themselves.
Start by letting your children make decisions about what they want to do this weekend, maybe even plan something for the whole family. Imagine how empowered they’ll feel.
Esther Wojcicki is an educator, journalist, and bestselling author of “How to Raise Successful People.” She is also the co-founder of Tract, where she’s bringing her student-centered teaching philosophy to classrooms around the world. Follow her on Twitter @EstherWojcicki.